Building on the importance of what to think about before you plan to get married, we’ll consider some time taken to look at things introspectively so you can be better positioned to function in any relationship. Before you enter into a serious relationship you need to be clear on understanding.
The very first step on the way to creating a strong and long lasting relationship is to have a deep level of understanding of yourself – the way you naturally think, feel and behave, the lens through which you see the world.
Without this deep level of self-awareness, you can never fully give of yourself to someone else. Self awareness can be achieved through various means, such as journaling, meditation, introspection, or open discussions with close friends and family.
However, one of the most accurate, and not to mention, fastest ways to achieve true self-awareness is to do so with the aid of personality profiling assessments.
There are many types of self assessments you can get access to online easily. One that I have had some very insightful learning from is the Clifton StrengthsFinder.
This assessment was developed by Don Clifton and first publicly released in 2001 with his book, ‘Now, Discover Your
Strengths.’ Since then, over 19 million people have taken the assessment and use their results every day for proven success in all areas of life.
The assessment asks you a series of pairs of questions. There are 177 pairs, to be exact, and then provides you with
either your top 5 themes. These are presented in a Signature Theme Report. There are a total of 34 themes which are presented in a Theme Sequence Report.
After you have discovered your Strengths, learned more about what they have to offer and how they shape the lens through which you view the world, you will be well on the path to self-awareness.
When two people in a relationship both take the time to deepen their level of self-awareness, it is much easier for them to build upon that awareness and help to shape their relationship based on that healthy level of understanding.
Understanding what makes your partner ‘tick’, or the ways in which they react to certain scenarios or situations, can give you an edge and a unified power that only comes through true connection.
While we are on the topic of reacting, knowing yourself and understanding your strengths, and your partner’s strengths will help you to avoid reacting. You will be better equipped to respond to things instead.
Reacting is like a reflex. You tend not to think about it at the time, and sometimes, you don’t stop to think about it afterwards. Reacting in a relationship can be very destructive.
Where as on the other had, responding is more deliberate and thought out. That’s not to say it is cunning, but it is considered. Responding is taking a breath, stepping back from the situation, evaluating, and then constructively approaching the situation so there is minimal destruction.
This is your relationship after all. You don’t want to do things knowingly or subconsciously to destroy it. This is what comes with the gift of self-awareness through assessments like the Clifton Strengthsfinder.
Another benefit of laying the foundations of self-awareness is that you now have the perfect platform to begin a discussion around the expectations of your relationship.
Partners who develop their self awareness also develop tools for leveraging their strengths, and confronting their weaknesses. They can then build a relationship that is based on trust and respect, and are more able to remain open to new ideas and conduct constructive conversations rather than heated arguments.
Suggested action points:
- Take the Clifton Strengths Assessment
- Share your Strengths with your partner
- Invest in coaching to deepen your level of understanding
- Have regular discussions with your partner around your Strengths as a couple
The Clifton Strengthsfinder assessment is able to be done online easily, and you’ll soon discover that there are basements and balconies to your strengths. This will help you learn how to best use your superpowers in a relationship for good.